Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
