I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
