I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's official drugs can't kill me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
