I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
