he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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