dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
