Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
