You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
