Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You can't special order awesome
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
