My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
