go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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