Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
