so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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