I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
