She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
