Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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