Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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