i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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