sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
