it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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