oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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