I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
