Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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