Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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