you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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