btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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