If you die in college, do you die in real life?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
