she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i think my cat just said my name.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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