my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
