His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
