My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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