I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
