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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
