I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
