Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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