Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Im part way to drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
