so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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