it was like eating out sand paper
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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