My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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