please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
