In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are the jesus of drinking
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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