the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
His nipple licking is glorious
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