We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
