and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my liver is dry heaving
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
