he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
