i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
