Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
