I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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