It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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