I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
