He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My feet surprised me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
