I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
