Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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