Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am one with the molecules
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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