im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
