i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
