Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
